Turns out that turnabout is fair play when it comes to sisters watching reality TV. I made Allison watch "The Bachelor" and now she is making me watch "Real Housewives." Full disclosure: I saw one episode of "Real Housewives of New Jersey" approximately ten years ago*, and I religiously watched "Bethenny Ever After" so I have some very basic exposure to the Housewives world. Let’s jump in.
*Editor's Note: It was the Teresa flipping the table "Prostitution Whore" Episode. Carrie saw maybe one of the most iconic television moments of all time next to the moon landing and doesn't even know it. What a world.
1. There’s a lot of crying already. Is this last season?
2. I am so confused. Why are there so many people?
3. So fitness couple is Tamra and Eddie. The hats are helpful in distinguishing the various families. Could everyone have a distinctive hat?
4. Is there an age difference between Tamra and Eddie? I can’t tell because Tamra’s plastic surgery is really well done.
5. What did Vicki do to Tamra? Also, Vicki is the only one I recognize. Has she been on this show for forever?
6. I am tearing up over this cycle instructor’s heart surgery. What is this ish?
7. Steve is boring? I am asking. I feel like people who watch this show have very strong opinions. I don’t want to anger anyone.
8. “I love my love tank filled.” I have never been this person, but I am going to start using this phrase. I love my wine tank filled. I love my dog tank filled. I love my brunch tank filled. See? It works for lots of things.
9. It looks like Vicki had to do a lot of apologizing at the end of last season. Help a sister out.
10. I need that kitchen. Do I have to go on this show to get that kitchen?
11. “This house isn’t anything special.” I feel like the level of privilege on this show is gonna be something else.
12. “I went from 14,000 square feet to 4,000 square feet.” Welp. I was right.
13. “Dating post-divorce is easy.”
14. I don’t know who this one is yet. But she’s the only brunette so I should be able to tell her apart easily. She’s also gorg and her boobs are fantastic so I get it. She really seems to be living her best life.
15. OMG Kelly (I think – the pretty brunette one?) and I drink the same brand of Kombucha. I could totally be on this show.
16. What happened between Vicki and Shannon? I feel like I am going to need a Sparknotes list of everyone Vicki has pissed off.
17. Tamra answered my question. Five years younger. Thanks Tam! Are we close enough for me to call you Tam yet?
18. Vicki offering to bring Tamra a juice after Eddie's heart surgery.
19. Yes, Tamra’s son for being on my level.
20. I am really connecting with Kelly’s daughter. Does she get a spin off at some point?
21. We’re all going on a ropes course. Am I supposed to believe that one of these women came up with this idea?
22. She is a lawyer and a party planner. I am a lawyer and I am exhausted thinking about adding a second career.
23. Wait. Eddie is gay?
24. Is this Emily lady a regular character? She’s going to throw off my only-one-brunette strategy.
25. Emily’s love story is kind of super relatable.
26. They lost a kid! Does this become a true crime mystery?
27. Tamra cyber stalking her friend’s ex-husband’s new girlfriend is so real. Ask my besties, if you start dating a new guy, I will know his dating history, dog’s name and breed, social, and favorite ice cream before he has asked for the second date.
28. This is some real talk about divorce and the way women tie their identities to motherhood. Honestly was not expecting this realness.
29. Do they all drive Suburbans?
30. Kelly’s anchor leggings are perfection.
31. Full disclosure: ropes courses scare the piss out of me so Shannon crying up there does not feel extra to me at all.
32. Ok but I could totally be convinced to zip line. But like somewhere tropical.
33. There’s another one I haven’t met yet? This is too much.