40 Thoughts I Had While Watching The Bachelorette: Becca - Episode 7
This post is part of a series. Check out Allison's recap of Episode 6.
Week 7. We’ve been at this for 7 weeks. The same amount of time it typically takes me to meet a man, think he’s cute, date him for a minute and decide to bail. Basically Becca should bail at any point. Also I watched Newsies this week and dreamt of Jason our resident Newsie.
1. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. I will toss aside my beliefs just to be on this show for the vacations.
2. How big of a difference is “falling in love” and “in love” anyway? Asking for a friend who’s never technically been “in love” and is 100% me.
3. Of course Garrett the Bigot is judgy of Colton being a virgin. He’s bigoted about everything. I’m judgy of it only because I don’t trust Colton.
4. Dope cheetah sweater, Wills.
5. Garrett the Bigot thinks it will be a turn off that Colton is a virgin because Garrett has definitely dumped virgins and then called women who have had sex sluts.
6. Colton looks like a terrible kisser. Just a little pecker and upper thigh pincher.
7. Love the convenient interruption of the boat.
8. That bathing suit makes no sense. Is it what you wear when you’re exploiting a culture for your reality show?
9. Her hair is miraculously dry and well curled pretty quickly post dive.
10. “Conch” and “Cock” do not sound similar enough for them to keep making these innuendos.
11. “He would have to drop a crazy bomb on me for me not to give him the rose.” Please at least try to make this not all staged.
12. Virginity aside, I do not find Colton attractive.
13. Sports seems like a weird reason to still be a virgin. I mean, do you Colton. But your reasons are weird. I think it might be your shitty taste in clothes.
14. Colton hasn’t shared his virginity secret openly but is willing to share it on national TV?
15. None of this is real. They’re stealing plot lines from Unreal.
16. Colton and Becca have zero sexual chemistry. Watching this makes me glad I’m likely going to die alone.
17. Blake is SPIRALING and it’s kind of hot.
18. I’m not commenting on Garrett the Bigot, but if I were I'd say his striped shirt is stupid.
19. Does Garrett the Bigot’s sexy, playful side include jokes about tossing child refugees over a fence?
20. You never thought you wanted to make out with someone in the ocean before him, Becca? It’s literally one of the most famous images from pop culture, Becca.
21. He’s a bigot from California? I wonder if we can get Kamala Harris to kick him out of the state.
22. Okay, maybe Blake spiraling is pathetic. But maybe in a hot kind of way.
23. Pitting my loves Wills and The Newsie against each other. We all know long haired Leo is NOT coming home from that date.
24. What weird carved wood thing are you packing there, Blakey?
25. Is anyone else just so relieved to find out The Baha Men are still alive?
26. Is this the song of the summer?
27. Yes, give me that dark, cheating with a teacher shit. You know what I like Blake!
28. “Falling in love is fun but staying in love is more fun.” I mean maybe but water parks are fun too, but I don’t want to stay there.
29. Okay, Blake is a good kisser. What world does she pick a bigot over Blake?!
30. That fucking man bun, Leo. GO HOME!
31. Wait, did we get no explanation for Blake’s carved wood thing?
32. Wills in that cut off flower t-shirt. He should not be pulling this stuff off, and yet…
33. Ugh, Leo on how he’s different. Spare me. You’re all the fucking same.
34. Ew, Leo calling the other guys, “Gentlemen” just felt creepy. Maybe it’s my intense prejudice against Fabio, but I’m creeped out.
35. Leaving Leo on that beach as they take a sexy boat ride away is Cold. As. Ice.
36. Can you even imagine how hot Newsie would be if his hair wasn’t slicked back? Maybe they slicked back his hair because the hotness would have broken TVs.
37. Poor poor hot hot Wills. Paradise is going to be WILD.
38. First limo cry of the season! You wear it well, friend!
39. Where are they dropping him? The airport or just the middle of nowhere and he has to orienteer his way home?
40. Becca’s giving a rose to this Bahamian guy with the belly moves, yes?