This post is part of a series. Check out Allison's recap of Episode 2.
I truly remember very little about Arie except maybe he’s a man? Anyway, I’m here for Bibiana and the girls who say they’re not here for competition.
1. Krystal says she’s not one to back away from confrontation even though she looks like someone who’s absolutely one to back away from confrontation.
2. I get that this host doesn’t catch predators, but then I don’t fully understand his purpose. Like the date cards do your job, dude.
3. “Behind every man is a strong woman.” WHY DOES THE WOMAN HAVE TO BE BEHIND NTCAP HOST?!
4. Arie should keep that mask on. It’s the best he’s looked all season.
5. Arie’s suit is stupid for this situation. I hope one of the women beats him up and then leaves.
6. The lesson I’m learning from this date is: if a professional wrestler can take you down you don’t deserve a man.
7. If you want to look strong and independent, don’t participate in weird shit that makes you uncomfortable. Live your truth, Tia!
8. I’m now on team Tia.
9. Holy shit, Kenny will tear Arie up. I hope Kenny makes him look a fool and one of the women decide Kenny’s a better man and leaves with him.
10. No part of me believes Kenny didn’t throw that race. No way Arie could actually beat him.
11. Really, Bekah? You’re just now realizing this is weirdly sexual? I had hopes for you.
12. Krystal really swooped in and grabbed that “Villain” title from Chelsea.
13. Krystal is either drunk or took too much Xanax or both.
14. I have it on good authority (My friend Erin) that the producers tell them to make out when the conversation gets old. So he and Bekah must not have anything to talk about.
15. Krystal, I don’t know if you can call a man who is also dating 15 other women at the same time he’s dating you, “A man who knows what he wants.”
16. Never trust anyone who smiles as much as this one-on-one date Lauren.
17. Lauren S, do you regularly refer to yourself as Lauren S.?
18. Would love to see this great sense of humor these women keep talking about.
19. What happened to the geo rock plates for the roses? These rustic wood rose plates are not as good. Would like a response, NTCAP Host. Thank you.
20. Arie is bad at sentences. “How you came to come here?” Learn words, bro.
21. Doorbells scare me too, ladies. Don’t feel bad.
22. Annalise, you may be using the word “traumatic” incorrectly.
23. Honestly, glad we’re eliminating the Laurens because I can’t be expected to understand the difference between them.
24. Krystal wastes no time in talking shit.
25. Never seen this Caroline woman who’s offended by it before though. Is she not Vanessa from Nick’s season?
26. I hope one of these women leaves him for the dog. I would pick any of these dogs over Arie.
27. These reenactments... I can’t.
28. This prayer... I really can’t.
29. Let me explain The Grove for those of you who don’t live in LA. It’s like if you took a mall, gave it ecstasy, and then filled it with tourists. And also Fred Willard.
30. Why is Brittany a tree? Is no one going to explain why Brittany is a tree? Now she’s a lamp and we’re just supposed to accept this?
31. BRITTANY IS NOW A FIRE HYDRANT AND NO ONE WILL TELL ME WHY?!
32. Annalise’s whole personality is that she’s had traumatic experiences. And also is boring.
33. Would love it if someone could break down when these women eat on this show.
34. Nice move producers. Using Bibiana’s setup for Lauren Whoever. Drama well played.
35. Bekah has clearly read a lot of Dr. Laura.
36. I’ve had more chemistry with a bowl of brussels sprouts than Annalise has with Arie. To be fair, I had a bomb bowl of brussels sprouts yesterday.
37. Annalise isn’t attracted to him either. Like just peace out, girl. Go find a better man for you.
38. This show should hire me as these women’s life coach. NTCAP Host, ya listening?
39. I am sad Annalise is leaving. I was looking forward to hearing about her traumatic experience with wineries on the next group date.
40. Never seen Caroline before this episode but I kind of like her.
41. Aw RIP Bibiana. See ya in Paradise, bb!