37 Thoughts I Had While Watching "The Bachelor" for the First Time - Episode 10
The questions we all need answers to: Did Raven orgasm?!?!?! What is Rachel's rose ceremony dress? Does Nick have a bulky sweater subscription box?????
1. “I’m satisfied today.” Okay, Raven. I see you.
2. Okay, this post-orgasm montage is ridiculous. No way Nick is that good. Was her ex just that bad?
3. I feel like cross country skiing is the least sexually stimulating exercise.
4. Waiting for Nick to be surprised reindeer are real.
5. I like Nick’s knit winter hat. I feel like I could wear it better, honestly.
6. Nick saying, “I might be white, but I’m still a minority.” Is everything that’s wrong with America right now.
7. “Call me St. Nick.” Like Santa, Nick is also creepy and imaginary.
8. Is Rachel wearing a crop top in wintery Finland? That’s either insane or the most baller move ever.
9. Men who say, “I like strong women” are like women who say they don’t believe in feminism because they don’t like labels. Do we think Nick is a meninist?
10. Does Nick choose the one he loves or the one he thinks loves him the most? Am I a philosopher?
11. “Have the strength to be a bit of a mess sometimes.” Nick learned how to talk to women by watching Nancy Meyers movies.
12. Still so terrifying that NTCAP host invites them to the fantasy suite. Also hate that it’s called the fantasy suite.
13. I’m uncomfortable with the fact that the cameras are right there in the morning.
14. I hope Rachel’s penguin pajamas go all the way.
15. Please tell me there is a team of makeup artists on Rachel when she wakes up in the morning. Otherwise, that shit’s unfair.
16. Props to Nick for really trying with the relationship/sauna metaphors. Wish it was working.
17. Ooo, Vanessa has a dark side. Bitch wants to feed Nick's dismembered body to reindeer?
18. The fuck is this torture? I don’t mean the freezing cold water, I mean being forced to see the looks on their faces as they dip in.
19. I can’t take this very intense conversation seriously while they both wear those hats.
20. Vanessa just said relationships are based on compromise after saying she refused to compromise on things.
21. Love that we’re pretending Nick has anything to do with keeping that fire going.
22. I actually dig this sweater. Ten points Nick.
23. Oh nevermind. I just saw the pocket.
24. Shots every time Vanessa says “core values.”
25. Nick, you don’t fall easily? Haven’t you been on this show like 17 times?
26. TBH, Vanessa is the only one asking the hard questions.
27. Here we go. NTCAP host being a Yente once more.
28. I’ve never hated anything as much as I hate the term “fantasy suite.” This includes Nick’s sweaters.
29. Nick’s penis has had a pretty good three days.
30. How many gowns do they have to come with?
31. Honestly, Vanessa. Enough with the tears.
32. Rachel’s dress wins the night.
33. Raven looks like a gorgeous funeral director/witch. (Highest of compliments.)
34. #notshocked. Go get the Bachelorette, girl! Can’t wait to see what you wear and men who don’t stack up compete for your love.
35. “This won’t be a goodbye forever.” Do we think Nick shows up to compete for her on the Bachelorette, only for her to outwardly reject him?
36. God, Nick didn’t even let Rachel put on a coat before he put her in that car.
37. I miss Sharky.